EMBODIED: Boundaries

The second layer of this self-care pyramid is boundaries. This may come as a surprise for boundaries at the surface may seem like an attempt to create separation. 

Aren’t we nurturing deeper connections?

Yes, we are. 

Setting boundaries is how we begin to honor our needs and desires in the world with intention and clarity. The more solid you are in your boundaries the better you can show up for yourself and others. 

There are two types of boundaries, internal and external. 

Internal Boundaries

Internal boundaries are designed to support your inner world. They are boundaries you set with yourself (e.g., workout 4x/week, wake up by 6) to make sure you are meeting your own needs and desires. 

You probably already have internal boundaries in place whether they’re intentional or not. Taking the time to review your internal boundaries and adjust or set them in intentional ways is a helpful exercise to do periodically. 

One internal boundary I recently chose to set for myself was giving up coffee. I realized that it was impacting my mood especially on days I did not have it. 

I thought about what going to the cafe every morning to have a latte did for me. It got me out of the house and moving first thing in the morning.

With a clearer understanding of the value that a morning coffee provided me – I decided to go for a morning walk to get fresh air and to get my body moving. That served the first part of my need. 

I realized that even after I walked to the cafe, I still enjoyed the reward of a nice warm cozy drink as my body fully awakened. 

After a bit of research, I decided to replace my morning latte with a cacao steamer. It served as a still slightly caffeinated, warm, and cozy drink in the am, not to mention it is jam-packed with nutritious value. 

I also love the process of making it before I go out on my walks. 

Looking at this area of my life – my morning latte and setting new standards and boundaries allowed me to design a ritual that serves me all day. 

External Boundaries

External boundaries are boundaries that you set with other people – like internal boundaries they can be intentional or not. 

A natural external boundary we all set at some level or not is how close we feel to others standing next to us while in public. We’ve all been in a line waiting to pay for something and the person behind you steps too close and you’re left with this weird moment of how to handle it. 

Knowing your external boundaries (e.g., what time you need to wrap up your day or stop taking meetings, what email communications you would like to be included in, etc) allows you to communicate them with others and know when they are not being met. 

The simple awareness of knowing when your boundaries are not being met provides a tremendous opportunity for cultivating connection with others. It provides insight into why and how you may engage with certain people and provide direction on how to improve as necessary. 

Knowing your internal and external boundaries and beginning to honor and communicate them create the space and mindfulness to cultivate compassion. 

At the surface, the two topics may seem unrelated. However, the better you take care of yourself the more equipped you are to take care of others in healthy ways.