The Birth of the Love Work: My Story of Embodiment

 Intro

It was a summer in the 2000s, the sun was bright, the air crisp, the energy like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I walked into the recereation center on campus. It was by far the largest and most well equipped ‘gym’ I had been to date. 

A mixture of overwhelm, excitement, and a tinge of intimidation swirled through my body. I found my way to the front desk and registered for a membership. With another set of insturctions a paper schedule to the classes (all included!) was handed to me. 

I was 19 y.o.misdiagnosed neurodivergent engineering student at Howard that secretly took two buses across town during the academic year to find where I felt most at home – moving my body. 

Now, a regular girl from NY, first generation college student, I found myself as a research intern in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science (EECS) at UC Berkeley. My appointment was in a department-affiliated engineering lab that sat just West of campus. 

A 6:30 yoga class jumped out at me. I’d always wanted to try yoga and now I was a member of a wellness center where classes were included. 

The overwhelm of it all had my neurodivergent brain needing to walk through the various programming, offerings, and requirements the summer came with at nauseam. 

I planned my wake-up schedule, workout routine, what time i’d arrive at the lab (8:00 am, unbenknownst to me incredibly early for that NorCal culture I’d been transported to), the various options for lunch and every other detail you could imagine. 

Yoga, a seemingly inconsequential choice besides the fact that it jumped out at me, became a focal point of my time that summer and most of my life since. 

That summer proved fruitful and I was accepted into 2 top 3 schools and naturally I chose the place that catalyzed it all – UC Berkeley. 

Finding my Focus: Discovering the Power of the Breath

It took some time for me to return to yoga after that summer, dance had always been my first love. Yet a few years later, faced with a thesis deadline, once again I found myself overwhelmed and struggling to focus. 

I intutiviely returned to yoga again – a mildly heated Vinyasa class just East of Lake Merritt where I had since moved. I was 24 by then and had overstayed my welcome in a PhD program where I decided to leave with a Masters. 

I had six months to write my thesis or forfeit my degree. 

This heated class focused heavily on boxed breathing of six counts ( I always wondered why six, the instructor never change) – six in, hold for six, six out, hold for another six, repeat. 

The instructor emphasized breath to movement more than I had previously remembered and this hot room, on a second floor walkup became the place where I grounded before late night wriitng sessions in the race to finish my degree. 

The breath taught me to focus. 

Healing Heartbreak: A Primer in Somatic Healing

A few years later I found myself in the midst of another crisis – a very abrupt ending to a romantic relationship with one of my best friends in that chapter of my life 

I found myself in another heated yoga room – this time in downtown Berkeley and the temperature had increased from 75-80, to 105+ degrees. It was impossible to stay in my head and in the room. 

The hope of not feeling so miserable ever moment of the day kept me in the room. 90 minutes, 26 poses, twice, an opening and closing breath exercise. It became my haven in the midst of long heavy-hearted day. 

One day, a few months into my grieving I arched back to attempt camel pose – a deep heart opener that had been the nemesis of my practice. I was committed to the day when I was able to arch back, grasp my heels, and press my hips forward without feeling like the breath was being struck from my lungs.

This sunny day, in which I knew only by the warmth of heat on my skin I arched back for the first round and something moved up and out of me and the tears came – quick and in abundance. 

I came up as always – out of breath, nauseous – sat on my heels and experienced what felt like decades of heartache leaving my body. 

Again, round 2 – the tears continued but this time was different, space was created. The resistance of arching back was gone – what I had associated with a mobility issue proved to be the resistance of energy stuck in my heart. 

I held that camel for what felt like an eternity – my heart opened – literally. A glimpse of joy had returned to my life for the first time in years, if ever. 

I did not know it at the time – but I had my first experience with somatic healing. A gift that I unconsciously turned to from that day forward and learned to intentionally engage until 2020  in the midst of a world crisis. 

Facing Trauma – Healing the Feminine

It wasn’t until, like many, we were in the midst of a global crisis and it became the social mandate – to be still. 

During this time I learned the gift of a gentle, loving, and powerful presence that moves through each of us – the Feminine. 

As I began to unpack trauma in intentional ways – something became very evident for me – 

The path to healing for me was through my body. 

The path to the feminine was through my body. 

The path to an unshakeable inner power that creates and destroys worlds alike was through my body. 

And this is where 15 years of searching, my soul guiding me through life’s disappointments and triumphs alike – to a reemergence of something within me, seeking to be reclaimed. 

This was a multi-year journey which i wrote and spoke about in my blog and podcast Healing the Feminine. If you’re interested in hearing more about this journey, please stream season 1 of Healing the Feminine. 

It lay the foundation for my work today which I now integrate into the future of leadership.  

Integrating and Unmasking: Becoming Self-Embodied

Reconnecting with my feminine energy and the vast power within created massive waves in my life. It unearthed my relation to my self-worth (which I continue to cultivate daily), which unearthed my relationship to everything and everyone including myself. 

This led to a reclamation and healing of my masculine energy – how I protect and honor my energy and boundaries, am in service to the world, choose to contribute my gifts on this planet, and so much more. 

This also is something I continue to unearth, deepen, and explore daily. 

It has included unmasking the ways I hid, molded, and suppressed myself to get along, survive, and attempt to belong in a society in need of healing. 

It’s been unmasking the ways in which I abandoned my true self out of fear and how 

Unmasking what no longer served me – limiting paradigms, beliefs, ways of relating, and to take the courageous step in listening to the depth of my soul and honoring that in all I think, say, and do – simply to be me. 

Embodiment was something I craved for decades. It eluded and chased me all at once. 

With it comes a level of inner peace that can’t be taken away. An ability to self-trust and navigate through any circumstance. 

The confidence to go after your dreams, speak your truth, ask for what you want. 

The courage to say yes to what serves and walk away from what doesn’t

The self-esteem to trust that your wants and desires are worthy of your attention, energy, and manifestation. 

The courage to stand for what’s for you and against what isn’t – even when it isn’t the popular opinion. 

The inner leadership to necessary to bring forth a new paradigm on this planet. 

It is also what led me to create this course. It is what the planet needs – for us to be our true selves liberated and unmasked of the debris that has hidden us for years. 

If you have a vision within you, something seeking to be expressed, and are looking for ways to honor your deepest and truest desires, cultivate the courage to live out loud, and be the change you wish to see. Join me in Get Embodied: The Grounding Art of Leadership from the Inside Out.