The Great Unmasking: Dealing with Shame

Intro 

This past weekend I watched Divergent, the first of a trilogy about a post-modern world where all humans are divided into factions based on their dominant skillset.

The Erudite – the ‘intelligent’ who are the scientists and engineers of society

The Amity – the ‘kind’ who tend to the land and farm

The Candor – the ‘honest’ who seek justice and truth

The Abnegation – the ‘selfless’ who care for the homeless and (in this movie) serve as the governing body

The Dauntless – the ‘brave’ form the police and protection arm

The main character, Tris, has been looking forward to the day where her ‘skils’ are tested and she’s told which faction she should join. Her ache for belonging craved finally being pointed in the ‘right’ direction. 

To her disappointment she finds she is ‘Divergent’ and possess skills of various factions (and thus is a danger to society). If she can’t fit into a box, she can’t be controlled. 

Tris represents an archetype common amongst visionary leaders and change agents like you. We shape shift, we transcend paradigms, and thus see the world completely differently. 

For many of us, along with this has been a hidden shame, a sense of loneliness in not feeling like we ‘fit in’ anywhere. 

For a long time I lived a very siloed life, where engineering/management consulting Tiffany didn’t mix circles with creative (writer, dancer, producer) Tiffany, who furthermore didn’t quite mix with energy healer/mystic Tiffany. 

I felt like I had to choose. 

But I couldn’t. 

What I didn’t realize was that running the show was an underlying, very subconscious shame of who I was when operating in different worlds. Because I so loudly,  in siloed ways, expressed myself the impact of the shame was subverted – until it wasn’t 

The Impact of Shame

Shame is a very core emotion related to the root chakra. 

It deals with:

1. Emotional issues of survival, safety, and belonging
2. Physiological issues related to the blood, bones, lower back pain, and viruses
3. Life issues related to finances (lack thereof or obsession with), fear and insecurities, playing small, and taking up space

Dealing with excessive levels of shame is a very painful experience and can lead to disconnecting from the body, reality due to a lack of grounding, and the tendency to self-abandon. 

Author, medical intuitive, and teacher Carolyn Myss relates virus epidemics in society from HIV/AIDS to COVID with groups and communities feeling ostracized and excluded from society and experiencing deep levels of fear. 

I see it as a primal force that drives codependence in society creating the need to oppress others for a sense of worth. The energy exchange that comes from this oppression fills a perpetually unfulfilled void that comes from not being grounded in your own body. 

Healing Shame

I see two heavily intertwined antidotes to this pervasive inner shame: love and embodiment. 

Love

Shame fuels fear and love alchemizes fear. Cultivating self-love and acceptance is the first step in healing shame. The type of self-love (and community) that creates the space to be with yourself, your shadow, the pain, and transmute it. 

Embodiment’

Embodiment is a simultaneously a result of and pathway to self-love. Neuroscientist and pharmacologist Candace Pert, who is credited with discovering the brain’s opiate receptor, stated (and wrote an entire book titled) Your Body is Your Subconscious Mind.

Learning to connect with your body and heal (release) that which no longer servies you allows you to embody truer expressions of you, free of masks. 

A few ways to begin to connect with your body in an effort to cultivate self-love and heal shame are somatic awareness, breathwork, and connecting with nature. 

Below are a few resources some free, some requiring an email, and one paid to support your journey of Unmasking, healing shame, and Leading from the Inside-Out. 

1. A Meditation to Create Safety and Belonging
2. Root Chakra Meditation – coming soon
3. How Emotional Pain Impacts Subconscious Programming
4. Embodied: A Self-Care Guide for Compassionate Leadership
5. Get Embodied: The Grounding Art of Leadership from the Inside-Out

Unmasking Shame and Shining Your Inner Light

As you connect with your body and unmask ways you’ve shamed yourself or internalized shame projected onto you – more and more of your inner light gets to shine. 

This is one of the gifts of the Feminine – the gift of being connected to your intrinsic self-worth and knowing that your very essence attracts all that you need and want. 

Living, leading, and doing from this place creates the divine alignment to manifest the vision, paradigm, and future you wish to see. . 

Closing

It may seem covert but the abandoning of our dreams, playing small, and Imposter Syndrome are all ways in which shame rears its ugly head. 

It can create a rift from the inner trust and self-acceptance that supports sharing our true selves and gifts with the world. 

Embodiment in many ways is reclaiming your power from excessive shame. Giving yourself the permission to show up fully for yourself and as yourself.